TEEN DATING: Social Fad or True Love?

                Teen dating is a very hot topic and has been that way for years on end. There’s always the argument of whether teens are ready to be in a relationship or not. A lot of parents believe that if their child is in a relationship, it may distract them from other things including school work, hobbies, sport’s and may ultimately result in them disregarding these other things while focusing solely on their boyfriend/girlfriend. I personally believe that teens should be allowed to date and it can actually possibly cause a beneficial change on the boy/girl’s attitude, school work, responsibility etc. Often time’s teens are seeking somebody to be with at the end of the day and comfort them which is why they choose to be in a relationship. Yes, parents can comfort their child but not in the same way a boyfriend/girlfriend can.

                Parents are also afraid that if they allow their children to date that they might have sex, especially unprotected sex, and lead to them becoming pregnant. I think that regardless if somebody wants to have sex they will do it whether there in a relationship or not. Teens do it all the time without even being in a relationship because their parents don’t allow them to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

                If somebody wants to be in a relationship badly enough, they will be even if there parents don’t want them to. I’ve seen from firsthand experience that most of the time when parents don’t allow their children freedom they either sneak around behind their parents back or when they are old enough to legally have freedom, they act out even worse! If you don’t give your kids freedom, most of the time they do things much worse than if you were to allow them some independence.

               

                Dr. Phil says, "Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships. No 14-year-old needs to have an intense boyfriend or girlfriend." On his blog (http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/50) he gives the following advice:

·         Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a non-negotiable rule.

·         Talk with your teenager. The more conversations you have, the less likely he/she will be to get into trouble. If you've always kept the door open for discussions, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.

·         If you're too oppressive and restrictive, you are guaranteeing rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating rules for your teenager.

·         Don't just forbid certain activities, explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you're not merely trying to be bossy or imposing arbitrary rules.

·         As a parent, it's your job to teach your teenager the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves as they are won't need to "find themselves" in other people.

For some of his ideas, I don’t agree one-hundred percent. For example when he says, if your teenager has a friend of the opposite sex over, don’t allow them to close the bedroom door… this is wrong in many different ways in my eyes. First of all, that means that if a teenager has a friend of the same sex over they should be allowed to close the door, well what if the teenager is gay along with their friend? What then? Is it okay for them to have the door closed? It’s discrimination in a way. Besides that why would you insinuate that just because your child has a friend of the opposite sex over they are going to do anything inappropriate? If you ask me, you are doubting your own child, taking away their freedom, and not even giving them a chance.

As for the other pieces of advice he gives, I do agree and think it’s true and effective.

-The following link contains Dr. Phil’s advice and a video of parents view on teen dating:

http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/21/try-this-kids-and-dating/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl10%7Csec1_lnk3%7C207829

There is also a contributing factor that parents believe kids don’t know what love is. I think that when you are in a committed relationship you can truly find the meaning of love. If a teen is incapable of knowing what love is, why is it okay when they say I love you to their family? It’s no different really; everybody is capable of the emotion love despite what they say about age.

Teen Dating Violence is also rapidly spreading. In this case, I understand why parents may be worried about letting their kid date. According to the United States Department of Justice, Dating violence is defined as: “the perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple on the other member within the context of dating or courtship.” Statistics show that one in three teenagers experience violence while in a relationship. Most victims of this heinous violence are usually young women who are also at high risk of serious injury. It’s stated that young women may believe, their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic.” In no case whatsoever, is physical abuse in a relationship okay! What makes you think it’s okay to lay your hands on somebody else?! It’s not okay at all! Did you know, Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend?

Be cautious, here are some clues that may classify somebody in an abusive relationship that YOU may be able to help get them out of:

·         Physical signs of injury

·         Truancy, and or dropping out of school

·         Failing grades

·         Changes in mood or personality

·         Use of drugs/alcohol where there was no prior use

·         Emotional outbursts

·         Isolation from friends and family